[I wish upon a skinny star.]

A struggle to be skinny.

Starve, pain, pain, pain, power, happiness, fleeting content, sadness, binge, purge, depression, self loathing, anger, repeat.

Sitting here in bed, talking to my boyfriend about trivial life happenings and I have never felt more alone. Today has been another bad day for my anxiety. I had a panic attack this morning on the way to work and I have been shaky and nervous all day. Like right now, I feel like my lungs are getting too much air but at the same time I can’t breathe. I was also fighting with my feelings with food today. I went all day without eating and I felt so powerful, like I could take on the world and then something clicked and when I got to my boyfriend’s, I pushed down 3 pieces of pizza, 3 chocolate dunkers, 1 mountain dew and a fruit roll-up. I felt absolutely revolting. Story of my life.

(Source: , via skeletonized)

I guess I am back. :| A joyful occasion? I’m afraid not.

Work is slowly killing me. I blame these damn holidays and asshole customers. I feel fatter than ever. /gag

I was just told by my best friend that I am too detached from life and that it scares her. What does that mean?

Out of my Klonopin. Help me God.

Having a very anxious sort of day.

I’ve had one unbelievable day. All thanks to the previous night and it’s such a long story that it would be almost a waste of time to go into it. Basically, I screwed up big time and may end up losing at least one person in my life that means a whole lot to me. Either way, I end up losing.

iwishiwereabird asked: I know how it is to have an eating disorder, & I'm definitely not saying "get over" because it's not that easy, at all. I'm still struggling with it, but it's gotten easier. I just want to tell you that I hope you figure everything out, & i'm totally here if you want to ever to talk to anyone. I know that's weird because I don't even know you, but in some weird way, I do. You're me. And all the other girls that hurt the way we do. Just try to find at least one thing to smile about everyday <3

It’s not weird at all and I appreciate and am very grateful for your willingness to listen. I’m glad that I am able to interact with at least someone who understands what I am going through and it’s comforting to know that it can get better given positive reinforcement. Thank you again for such a sweet message.